


i'd love to close my eyes

by huntressofmen



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dominant/submissive Relationships, Communication, Dom/sub, Dominant Derek "Nursey" Nurse, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kneeling, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Non-Sexual Submission, Oral Fixation, Pining, Submissive William "Dex" Poindexter, Switch William "Dex" Poindexter, Trans Male Character, Trans William "Dex" Poindexter, You're Welcome, it's 'unrequited', it's not a big thing though, the mature rating is because there's nothing fully explicit but sexy times are hinted at, well. the comfort chapter isn't up yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29016717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntressofmen/pseuds/huntressofmen
Summary: For the record, Derek had known Dex didn't lean as heavily towards Dom tendencies as he liked to pretend. Still, he hadn't expected this.or, the universe in which everyone is a Dom, switch, or sub, and in which dex may or may not sub-leaning switch
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	i'd love to close my eyes

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time posting anything in months, my first time writing anything with D/s dynamics, and my first time posting nurseydex fic. concrit is more than welcome! (i say that like i don't have rsd. oh well.) this has been sitting in my drafts since july, and i'd completely forgotten about it until two days ago, so i finished it, transferred it to ao3, and pretty much posted it straight away. it's unbetaed, so all my mistakes are my own! if you see any, feel free to point them out!!
> 
> edit: i went through and made some edits to the fic. it's mostly just grammar and spelling typos, as well as completely rewording i think one or two sentences. none of the edits were drastic or would change the meaning; they were mostly just clarification!

For the record, Derek has known that Dex doesn't lean as heavily towards Dom tendencies as he pretends. Derek himself is firmly a Dom, and he knows how to spot a sub. Granted, it had taken a while in this particular circumstance, because William Poindexter had been (and still is) a menace, but eventually Derek began to put together the clues.

(It helped that Derek's attention is constantly on him, _constantly,_ and no one, not even Derek himself, had to know if the attention soon became a little something more than just _it's fun to tick him off.)_

(He's always had a bit of a thing for freckle-littered skin and for red flushes that extend far beyond cheeks and for biting snarls. Beyond that, Dex is just intriguing in how he fights so hard and allows emotions to be surface-level in a way Derek never allows himself.)

Dex would swear up and down he was a switch, and now Derek knows better than to push against the particular point, but Dex isn't like Bitty, a switch who leans towards Domming, or even Chowder, who's fairly in the center, and it's clear in the way he actively--aggressively, even--covers up every single submissive instinct in a way that switches who are comfortable in both sides of the coin simply never do. He fights too hard in arguments and pushes too hard to make himself seem more stereotypically Dominant, and it has not escaped Derek's notice that every argument leaves Dex with tremor-ridden fists and a chin tucked to his chest. He's seen it in at least three switches and a submissive at Andover, and knows from experience that anyone submissive may experience a pretty major drop in energy from something like a fight with a Dom. The nap Dex always attempts to take after a fight fits that bill pretty well. It isn't much of a stretch to see that and realize Dex, if not a submissive, at the least has some pretty strong submissive instincts.

Still, he hadn't expected this.

Dex had gone down so easily. It's beautiful. Derek's only regret is that it had taken them until the off-season of their junior year to realize how perfectly they can fit together, but now, watching Dex, knelt on a plush pillow and with the most incredible, hazy look in those hazel-golden eyes ... well. He can't deny that it was worth the wait. He hasn't been keeping an eye on the time, but he is decently sure it hasn't been more than five minutes since Dex's eyes had gone soft and open, and barely more than ten since he had sunk to his knees. Derek, sitting on the edge of the bed with his own knees spread, is reveling in the way Dex is slotted between his legs, his cheek leaning into Derek's palm.

This is their first time. Dex had stormed his way into their room, near in tears, with his fingernails cutting hard into the skin of his palms, and, somehow, everything about him trembling like he was a strong gust of wind away from shattering. Derek had sat up on his bunk, staring for all of five seconds, holding out his hands, as placating as one would be if they were approaching a crazed animal. He had whispered out a _Bro, what's up_ before Dex had turned to him and spat out _I need you to make me submit to you._

That was last night, because Shitty's lectures about consent and the lack of it that came with making major decisions while overwhelmed with emotions had overruled Derek's knee-jerk reaction of _Anything for you._ (This is just a friend asking a friend for a favor, and Derek knows that. He does.) Instead they had gone to sleep--or, more accurately, Dex had fallen into a fitful sleep while Derek listened to him breathe, because he's apparently that level of creepy, and then eventually dozed off--and then spent the next morning, just a few hours ago, avoiding the subject. It was a Saturday, which meant Derek pretended to work on his ENGL 3655 homework and Dex was flipping idly between his CSCI 3210 notes and random YouTube videos, and a little after noon they had ordered pizza. Somewhere between Dex's second and Derek's fourth slice of pizza, they had leaned against the wall, happily not looking each other in the eye, and--negotiated was probably the best word. Nothing sexual, no humiliation, no pain at all, they agreed easily enough. Dex apparently has an oral fixation and likes to have tasks while he's down. He isn't surprised to find that Derek likes having a sub kneel. They agree on the traffic light system easily, too-- _green means keep going, yellow means check in, red means move on to something else--_ but Derek felt a pinch of nerves telling Dex that he prefers a simple 'no' or 'stop' over a safeword. Some people consider it unsafe, but he simply doesn't enjoy scenarios where someone may say stop unless they meant it. To his surprise, Dex had merely grunted and then nodded, and then mentioned with a slow flushing that he may need aftercare (which Derek interpreted confidently as 'I always need aftercare'), which for him consisted of cuddling and hydration.

And that was it, and now, here they are. Derek finds himself stroking Dex's cheek with his thumb, grazing the finger against the freckles, and then nearly loses his breath at the way Dex sighs and presses forward into the feeling. As he watches, Dex's bottom lip falls, and those soft gold eyes meet his, open in so many ways and shyly pleading.

"Yeah, I hear you," Derek tells him quietly, and in the next breath he slips his thumb along the ridge of Dex's lip, teasing. The response is a noise he thinks is supposed to be a grunt but is just a little too high-pitched. And he can't dream of saying no to that, so he pushes his thumb in, relishing in the way Dex allows it to settle on his tongue and then just barely sucks, which ... which he had not been expecting. He has to take a moment to breathe (in the hope that it will settle whatever is rising in his throat), adjust his pants (because they had explicitly decided they would not let this get sexual, damn it), and open his eyes (because apparently he had closed them at some point?). The sight that greets him is Dex, clearly beginning to slip sideways into subspace, staring at him, still pleading.

(Derek refuses to let himself think _begging_ instead of _pleading,_ because he knows if he does that will open a _whole new thing,_ and he can't have that, not right now.)  
  
( _Not ever,_ the logical part of his mind says, and that is why he shoves it all away, the same way he did when he agreed to do this.)

It takes him a second, but he presses the pad of his thumb harder onto Dex's tongue, smiling when the eyes staring into his soften before shutting, and a quiet hum briefly fills the air between them. The suction returns, a little harder this time like he'd been testing the waters earlier, and Derek rakes his eyes over the lines of Dex's shoulders, so familiar but so new in the way they're devoid of tension. He catches his own lower lip between his teeth before releasing it to speak.

"You look good here, Dex. Will. You look beautiful." He regrets the words a moment later, because his fellow d-man does not strike him as the sort to appreciate being called beautiful (especially in the slightly raw voice he had inadvertently used) and he doesn't know if the word will trigger any dysphoria, but to his relief, they seem to call up a truly beautiful whimper. The next words are floating on a breath, barely there but an important echo. "So good, Will." He lasts another moment before tearing his eyes away, because he _has_ to, and that's when he spots his earbuds in a tangled mess, spilling from the pocket of the jacket hanging on the back of his desk chair. Derek blinks and then reaches for them, careful not to disturb Dex any more than he needs to, and then presses them into Dex's fingers.

"Untangle these for me, will you?" he asks, not forceful enough to be a command but not soft enough to be a passing thought. The question wins him a pleased, hummed yes, which puts a smile on his face. On a whim, as Dex begins to slowly work at the well-knotted wires, Derek brings up his hand to rest it in the mess of orange curls on top of his head and digs into them and tugs, just barely, just hard enough to apply a heavy pressure (not enough to hurt; he's careful of it). At that, Dex lets out a muffled moan that sounds like it would be surprised if there were more energy, and Derek is about to ask for a color when the lips wrapped around his thumb part enough to pant out _yellow._ Immediately, his hand releases, and when Dex's eyes open again, he meets them with a warm smile, the real kind, the one he only finds rarely without a beautiful sub at his feet.

"Don't apologize," he says when Dex pulls out of his hand to speak, moving slow as syrup. "Thank you for telling me. The hair pulling?" Dex nods. "Can you--can you tell me what's wrong?" The response he gets surprises him: it's an immediate flushing, stretching down to where the pale skin disappears underneath the cotton t-shirt. Derek raises an eyebrow to cover how he wants to graze the color with his fingers. "Will--"

"Turns me on," Dex mumbles, slow and slurred as he ducks his head, and, okay, yeah, that would explain the blushing. But Derek is too locked into the moment to let it get awkward, so he just nods and tries to _not_ tuck away this information in the back of his mind.

"Alright, so no hair pulling," he concedes easily, still nodding. "That's fine." Dex eyes him for a moment and then nods back, resettling his face into Derek's hand. Somehow he's still mostly in subspace--not a quiet sub, then--and when Derek wraps the hand that had been in his hair around the back of Dex's neck instead, giving that some heavy pressure, he gets to watch as Dex begins to fall fully into subspace with a content sigh. It makes Derek's heart pause for a moment, as if even his organs know that every last inch of his attention should be focused on the sub--the _switch--_ in front of him.

It's only a minute or so before he realizes he never fed his thumb back into Dex's mouth, and he realizes this because Dex is making open-mouthed, barely-there whines. He's quick to oblige the quiet plea by pressing his thumb first against Dex's lips and then onto his tongue, allowing his other fingers to curl around his chin. Dex closes his lips, a gentle pull and release making itself known, and several minutes pass like this, with Dex oblivious of the adoring, intently focused glaze on Derek's eyes. He can feel the way Dex is slipping against his leg, sliding from standing on his knees to sitting on his heels until he's slouched forward with his cheek pressed to Derek's thigh. It's an awkward angle for Derek's wrist and he can't imagine it's a comfortable position on Dex's neck either, so he pulls his thumb free, tugs the pillow Dex is on closer as smoothly as he can, and then places his ring and middle fingers upside down against Dex's tongue. Dex hardly even stirs, just adjusts to the new position, and Derek continues to gaze at him with the laser-focus of someone tightroping on the border of a light Domspace.

 _Domspace._ He hasn't gotten this near it since he was fifteen or sixteen, probably, hardly in control of himself and recklessly exploring anyway. it's been _years--_ partly just because it's not as easy for Doms to reach subspace as it is for subs, but also because he just ... hasn't been this close to someone he's put under in years. He's not entirely sure he's ever been fully in Domspace, and he's not entirely sure what it is about Dex that has him so near it. It's true that they've gotten closer since being forced to room together, though. They really hadn't had much of a choice; the fights had been brutal for the better part of the first few months, right up until Bitty sat them down and gave them a talking to that had even Derek bowing his head. (Dex's response had been something else that tipped him off: he had ducked his head and then, when Bitty's voice had turned just slightly too sharp, he had flinched, just a little, not even enough for Bitty to notice. And if Derek wasn't wrong, there had been a tiny whine, just too loud to escape being heard and not loud enough to be a sure thing.) After that, it was at least a little easier to get along, and if that was largely due to the threat of no more pies, Bitty didn't need to know that. The arguments hadn't _stopped--_ Dex still picks fights and Derek still lets him, and sometimes they scream in each others' faces and usually it ends with Dex looking beyond drained.

Maybe that's why this is affecting him so much. Since they had met, their relationship had been a constant push and pull of taking and hiding. This is the opposite--this is Dex, giving himself up, trusting Derek in a way he had only seen a fraction of in the past few years. He isn't into the idea of having to take submission from someone, so having anyone offer themselves so willingly was bound to get to him, and the fact that it's Dex, stubborn Dex who never backs down from his principles and prideful Dex who doesn't stand for anyone doubting him, heightens it even more.

(This is what he tells himself, at least, and it may have some truth.)

(If he's being honest with himself, Derek knows too well that maybe, just maybe, it could also be because he likes Dex.)

Long minutes flit by like this, with Derek sitting still and attentive as Dex melts into him and gives his fingers a gentle but firm suction. Dex's own fingers are still working at the few tangles left in the earbuds Derek had handed him, but his movements are slower now. Compliments begin to pour from Derek's mouth before he has time to think them, and it's nearing surreal. But eventually, Dex is shifting on his knees, leaning to one side and then another as a wrinkle forms between his brows, and Derek notices immediately. For a moment, he considers giving it a few more minutes--he's had one sub who had loved the ache it left in her knees when she knelt long enough to form bruises--but _no pain_ flashes through his mind, and that leaves no argument. He gives a single, pulsing squeeze to the back of Dex's neck a moment later, as the last knot is worked out of the earbuds. Then he brings that hand away to rest on the side of his shoulder instead.

"Ready to rejoin the world?" Derek asks quietly, instead of letting his tongue loosen and praise his sub-- _the sub; his friend--_ effusively. The response is a no that manages to be both sad and defiant even with how it's muffled, and he huffs out a small, fond laugh. "Your knees will be thanking me later, Will, and you said no pain. C'mon." He tugs his fingers from Dex's lips, smiling at the way those pink lips, slightly chapped from spending so long with something in his mouth, chase his hand, and grabs a tissue from his nightstand to wipe off the spit. When he turns back, he finds cloudy eyes blinking up at him. Derek carefully straightens his smile into something less openly fond and more encouraging--and that should not be as hard as it is--and then he helps Dex get to his feet.

"Do you want to take your shirt off? Get some skin-to-skin contact?" Derek asks, keeping his voice gentle, and he realizes--too late--that he probably should have asked before the scene, if only just to make sure Dex would be comfortable with Derek seeing him in his binder, and, fuck, was it even safe, the way Dex had been slouched against his leg? Before he can make a hasty assurance that Dex doesn't need to, staying in the shirt will be fine, the redhead has his shirt off, revealing a plain black sports bra. Derek blinks once and nods to himself, taking his own shirt off and tossing both shirts into the basket of dirty clothes.

Dex hands him the earbuds again, and Derek takes them, gives them a glance, and reaches over to lay them carefully on the nightstand and grab two water bottles, one of which he passes to Dex.

"Good job, Will. C'mon, man, c'mere." He snags a pale, finely muscled wrist and tugs, and Dex follows, sitting next to him as he cracks the bottle open and drinks half of it in small sips. Derek watches as he does the same, wrapping an arm tightly around Dex's shoulders. Dex leans into him, his head drifting down to rest on Derek, who takes the water, puts the cap back on, and places the bottle on the floor. He takes a few more sips before doing the same to his own, and then Dex shifts until he's laying down, pulling Derek down half on top of him. Derek, although he's a bit surprised, follows, pressing the side of his forehead to Will's shoulder. He can feel the warmth radiating from the body underneath him, and when he slips his arm under Dex's to grab his shoulder from behind, Dex wraps an arm around his back, and they settle like this for several minutes, breathing slow and steady and together.

Derek doesn't drift off, still alert from the high of almost-Domspace, and he knows Dex isn't falling asleep either, based both on his breaths and the finger tracing patterns into the skin of his shoulder blade. Instead, his attention is locked onto Dex--which means he notices the moment he starts to get a little antsy. Derek rolls onto his side and off of Dex, then presses up onto his forearms to peer at him.

"How're you feeling?" he asks, and sees the way Dex's face shutters just a little. He frowns, eyebrows drawing together, and is just about to speak again.

Then Dex asks, almost under his breath, "Was this a mistake?"

"No," Derek answers immediately, shaking his head. "No. What makes you think that?"

"Just ... I don't want you to think differently of me. Like, that I'm-I'm weak now." It almost sounds like a question.

"Needing to submit doesn't make you weak," Derek tells him after a moment, trying not to let his confusion sink into his words. Dex doesn't answer, even after the seconds turn into a minute. "You submitted beautifully, you know. So good for me. And ... if you ever need it again, you know. I'd be happy to take you down."

He isn't sure what he said wrong, but Dex is suddenly tense and scowling. Derek tries to meet his eyes.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. Just because I-I wanted to go down this once--" Derek fights not to raise an eyebrow, because it had seemed less a question of want and more one of need. "--that doesn't mean I'll suddenly need this all the time. I'm not going to play sub, always at your beck and call."

Both eyebrows shoot up. "That--Dex--" He flinches, just a little, and his eyes dart towards the door. Derek sits up, already missing the lazy warmth of a few minutes ago, and Will follows. "Will. That wasn't what I meant, I just wanted you to know--"

"What? That if I go down for you once after ... after a bad day, I'll come running to you again? That I _need_ you now?" He's sneering a bit, but it's an effect that's weakened by the way he's shaking like a leaf, and as wraps his arms around his middle, his eyes are darting everywhere but to Derek's face.

Derek thinks, a little wildly, that he would do anything to go back a few minutes and change whatever is happening. He can't, though, and so his attention turns to fixing it now.

"Will, it's okay to need things sometimes. No one's gonna think less of you, least of all me, and--"

"See, you _say that,_ but everyone always--"

 _"Will, stop."_ This time, there's a bit of command laced into his voice, and it has the effect of stopping Will in his tracks. Derek regrets it immediately, certain he just fucked everything up. He isn't wrong. They stare at each other, Will finally meeting his eyes, but the look on his face has him backtracking quickly. "Will, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

"Please get out," Will whispers, and Derek squeezes his eyes shut. _Shit._

"Will, I--"

"Nurse." 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"Please, you're--" _You're dropping, and I don't know what to do._

"Nurse, get out."

Derek hesitates, searching for the words to untangle the absolute mess he's just created, and then Will shoots him a weak glare, and he scrambles for the door, barely remembering to scoop up and put on a shirt from the back of his desk chair.

He closes the door behind him, exhaling shakily and rubbing his face harshly with both hands. After a moment, he hears an oven timer going off from several floors below, and that sets him in motion. He more or less runs down the stairs, only tripping on the last step, and enters the kitchen in a burst of energy. Bitty's eyes, when they meet his, are wide and shocked and then wider and concerned.

"Dex is dropping," Derek mumbles, sinking back against a kitchen counter and pressing the heels of his palms hard into his eyes. He hears an inhale, and continues. "We finished a scene a few minutes ago. He kicked me out of the room just now." Bitty's taken to the role of the Haus' Dom like a duck to water, despite technically being a switch, after Lardo and Holster left last year. He'll know what to do. 

"Jack, honey, I'll call you back in a bit." Oops. "Alright, Nursey, thank you for letting me know. Why don't you go up to Chowd--" He's already got a foot on the stairs, and Derek follows.

"Don't, uh. Treat him like ... a sub." Bitty blinks at him, then nods slowly, opening his mouth to say something before he's cut off again. "He's dropping because, uh, he's worried I'll think less of him? Now that he's subbed for me."

Bitty stares at him, then sighs. "I can work with that. Lord knows it isn't the first time--well. I'll take care of him, Nursey, don't you worry. Now head on up to Chowder's room and let him take care of you, alright?"

Derek nods blankly, following him up a flight and then pausing at Chowder's door as Bitty continues up. He waits until he hears Bitty knock quietly on the attic door and say _Dex? Honey, can I come in?_ before he pushes Chowder's door, already cracked, open.

He slips inside and collapses on the bed face first. He hears an exclamation of concern as Chowder turns around in his chair, and tells him, "I fucked up."

**Author's Note:**

> god, this first chapter alone is longer than anything i've ever written. of course it's a D/s fic. 
> 
> i'm planning on this being three chapters, but i only have half of chapter two written and a vague idea of chapter three's plot, so i'm not sure how long it will take to get the chapters up! sorry. kudos and comments feed a certain writer's writing brain!


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